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Have we been so endlessly hammered with the celluloid lie that a hero is some sort of scarred grunting lug nut with a machine gun and a bandanna and big veiny muscles and copious fake sweat who blows away the corrupt sheriff or the evil rogue robot in bloody ultraviolent glory and gives us a big thumbs-up at the end before he self-destructs to save the world?
Maybe we want to believe the miserable U.S. soldiers in Iraq are heroes, are serving some sort higher and more noble good, are protecting us from some sort of impending looming evil that was never really there in the first place, when deep down we all have that sinking feeling they're really just disposable henchmen for BushCo's endlessly gluttonous petrochemical and political stratagems.
Maybe we've forgotten that a hero is, of course, someone who goes deep into the underworld and has terrifically spiritual and self-revealing adventures full of danger and mystery and hot moist goddesses who offer him magic and mysteriously juicy fruit.
All coupled with the ever-present threat of death and/or immortality, endless failures and setbacks and strange gifts, and yet he re-emerges above ground stronger, more aware, attuned, enlightened and potent. Does anyone really believe that's appropriate to Shrub? To Arnie? Are you now gagging? Exactly.
The Web site claims demand for the Bush "flyboy" action figure is incredibly high. Undoubtedly due in part to how the link to the hilarious little product has been making the rounds on the Net, as tens of thousands of nauseated people send it to one another, as a joke, as a punch line, saying oh my God have you seen this? What the hell is the world coming to? What the hell is wrong with us? Who, pray who, is buying this ridiculous thing? And who, pray who, actually believes Bush is a hero?
Who will save the children from karmically poisonous toys? Who will save California from awful thick-necked actors who don't know a fiscal policy from a dumbbell? What sort of hero will rise up and resist this degrading onslaught, fight back the demons of ignorance and misinformation and BushCo lies and "I'll be back" moronism? Who, in short, will be the hero to conquer all this bogus heroism?
The answer is easy. The answer is right there, in front of you, in you. Don your intellectual armor, grab your divine sword, get ready to go deep, lose a dogmatic limb, gain astounding insights, win the accolades of the universe, endure the sneers of the uptight and the deluded and the asexual and the flag waving and the ultraconservative and the Ashcroftian and the terminally pissed off.
Because the hero you most need? It's you. Simple, really.
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