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You could be a Republican if………..
....You believe that science and math is the "work of the devil" and want to see those subjects banned from our nation's schools, yet you have no problem believing that the Virgin Mary appears on flour tortillas in Mexico and that this is undisputable "scientific proof" that supports intelligent design "theory".
….You are too cowardly to enlist in the military, but believe that placing a yellow magnet on your SUV somehow makes you a "patriot".
….You believe people like Dave Letterman, Jennifer Aniston, Jon Stewart and Scarlett Johannsen are "extreme left-wing liberal Marxist communists" but that Timothy McVeigh, the Unabomber, Eric Robert Rudolph, Terry Nichols, and Sean Hannity are "moderates".
....You believe that John Kerry, Chuck Hagel, John Murtha and Max Cleland are all "cowards", but your idea of a war hero is George "AWOL" Bush, Dick "Five Deferments" Cheney, Rush "Anal Cysts" Limbaugh, Tom "Insane in the Membrane" Tancredo, and Tom "minorities-took-all-the-positions-in-Vietnam" DeLay.
….You believe that "liberal college professors" are brainwashing America's youth, but in reality you never even set foot on a 4-year college campus and thus have no idea what you're talking about.
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